Hello and God Bless,
I'm writing a new comic, REAL life/REAL horror. Right now I'm still in a development stage, barely writing my first draft, anyways I just wanted to share with you the small excerpt below. Note that it won't be perfect, a Comic never is until later drafts, Although I want an honest critique. Comment below, or Email me at marinesofchristcomics@yahoo.com. with your honest opinion on the comic. Enjoy.
Real Life/Real Horror #1
By Josue Monserrat
Page 1
EXT. Black Background for this whole page, we only want to focus on the character. Since the rest of the background is black and we want to focus on the character, have a spotlight surround the character.
Panel 1
Art: Bird's eye point of view, wide panel on top of the page. We see a little kid, about 7 years old, he has black hair, we can't see his face because we should only be able to see the top of his head. He's wearing a blue jumpsuit and a red t-shirt. He's playing with a colorful ball. Like a beach ball. He has a teddy bear that has straps like a backpack on his shoulders.
Panel 2
Art: Now we see a Worm's eye point of view. Of the Kid, he's smiling, innocently playing with his ball. He looks really happy. He is looking back, speaking to his teddy bear. ( I know the Camera Angles really vary from the first panel to the second but I'm trying to get the reader uncomfortable, as a forshadowing for things to come )
Kid: I guess I should go home, before Mom get's mad! Besides, I have school tomorrow. Yeah You're right; I can avoid getting grounded if I get home early.
Panel 3.
Art: We see the Kid (Profile shot ) carrying the ball with his two hands; He still looks happy; On the End of his spotlight, we see a Hand reaching for the Kids foot; It's a big ugly hand, the like a regular man's hand but three times bigger, we have veins on his hand.
Panel 4
Art: We see the Hand holding the boys foot. His foot is shaking, he's struggling but the monster's grip is to hard.
Panel 5 ( Wide Panel on the Bottom of the page )
Art: In the For-ground we have Mr. Wiggles ( the teddy bear ) sitting on the spotlight, in the end of the spotlight we see the little boy's hands. He is scratching the ground, trying to get dragged towards the monster.
Kid: Mr. Wiggles Help!
End of Page 1
Page 2
INT. Kitchen, small, stuffy.
Panel 1
Art: We see the Face of the kid whom the beast just ate. He has a cute smile, a confident smile. The Picture is in black and white and above it we see the word "Missing". Below the Pic there says "Nutritional Facts" It's a Milk Carton.
Panel 2
Art: We know see Bret, holding the milk carton, he looks depressed, he's listening to music and has earphones in his ears. He has a plain white shirt, short buzz cut hair and a red baseball cap on. He's wearing Jeans but we can't see it since his legs are under the table. Derek is standing with his back to the reader in the background, ( Brett is in the extreme for-ground, on the bottom right corner of the panel ) Derek is more to the left of the panel. He looks sad also, a little hunched over although he is not that tall.
Derek: Bret, you want to go hunting with me this weekend? It'll be fun, give it a try.
Panel 3
Art: Derek is now turned around and when he sees that Bret is listening to his Ipod he looks indignant, Bret has a blank expression on his face. He is holding a tray, it has a stack of pancakes, some bacon, and fried eggs.
Dialogue
Derek: Ugh, stupid ipod's. I swear! They're tearing the family apart! I can't even invite my grandson to go hunting with me. Jesus, help me.
Bret: Oh I hear, the Ipod isn't on, I just put in the earphones hoping you wouldn't talk to me. Oh and No, I don't want to go. I know you retired but do something useful, mow the lawn or something, the people think you're a lazy bum.
Panel 4
Art: We know see The Kitchen has a door way, Bret is leaving through it, all we see is his back pack and one of his legs. Derek is sitting on the floor, he looks sad. There are tears coming out of his, but not something so exaggerated. He's just staring at his food. The Main focus is Derek.
Bret: I'm leaving for school, see ya old man.
Derek: Uh Yeah, I guess I'll see you later. Have a good day and God bless.
End of Page 2
Page 3
Panel 1
Art: Derek is hunting, he has a shot gun, and he's aiming, he looks focused. This shot is an extreme close up shot.
Panel 2
Art: Derek is standing, over a dead deer. He's wearing a jumpsuit, and a white shirt. He looks like a farmer, he has a straw hat. Smoke is coming out of his shot gun. He has a troubled expression on his face. He's thinking.
Dialouge
Derek ( Thinking ): Lord I ask of you to protect Derek, protect him from himself. I know he's just a teenager, but help me deal with his attitude, it's hard because, he doesn't accept me, who I am. I know you're working in him, but give me strength.
Panel 3
Art: Derek is dragging the deer by one of his legs. His back is to the reader. This is a Bird's eye point of view. But the Characters should be tilted a little to the right.
Dialogue
Derek ( Thinking ): I hope those thing's about the community thinking I'm a lazy bum are lies.
Panel 4
Art: In the background there is an old vista cruiser, with a deer on the top tied. It should be really small. It's on a road, that should take up all of the top of the panel. In the foreground, the bottom of the panel is all tops of trees. On the Bottom left of the panel ( the Car is on the top right by the way ). We see the "Beast". His back is to the reader, he looks like a man, yet he is 7 feet tall, and his stomach is 3 feet wide. He also looks slightly deformed, yet strong.
Dialogue
The Beast: One day old man, just wait and see, I'll kill you, I'll destroy your will, and everything you are. I promise.
End of Page 3
Page 4
Ext. The woods. Dark and crowded, same woods Derek was in, but the dark of the night makes it look different.
Panel 1
Art: JAMIE is wearing some short ( but not too short lol ) jeans, with a black blouse. She has blond hair, and she's wearing sandals. Her fingernails and toenails are painted blue, but since it's dark you don't notice much, she's attractive. and JJ who is wearing long blue jeans, Black shoes with the bottoms neon green, and a Bright Neon green shirt. They are walking side by side. He's looking at her cooly, she is looking up at the tree's and she looks like she's terrified. ( I know this won't help you with the art but she's afraid of the dark. ). They are speaking.
JJ: So you know Jim, from Math class?
Jamie: Yeah, what about him.
JJ: Well he asked me to get him your number. He needs someone to talk to.
Panel 2.
Art: She's looking at him annoyed. He's looking at her nervously. They are Speaking.
Jamie: He's your best Friend, why don't you give him your number?
JJ: Well, I would... But I lost mine.
Jamie: You lost your phone number? That's not possible.
JJ: I uh-uh I meant my phone.
Panel 3
She's walking at ahead of him looking serious, she seems to have forgotten that she's afraid of the dark. He looks defeated, like he blew it.
Jamie: Shut up and keep walking, why did you bring me here anyways?
JJ: To get your number.
Jamie: Ugh. Really? I'm going home.
Panel 4
Art: We see the Beast. He's smiling, we now see that his faced is deranged, he has one eye where it should be ( the right one ), his nose is also in the middle of his face, he has no eyebrows, the other eye is on his cheek, while his mouth is on his forehead. Where his mouth should be, there is a scar. There are many scars on his body, there is a piece of wood stabbed into his heart. Jamie is standing still shocked, while JJ is reaching for her hand.
Dialogue
JJ: Jamie let's go!
Panel 5
Art: A side ways Mid shot of Jamie and JJ running, he has a focused look on his face while she's terrified. You can see the forest but it's blurry, because they are running as fast as they can.
JJ: Where do we go?!
Jamie: My hous- My house.
Panel 6
We are back into the heart of the forest, we see the Beast, he has his back turned to the reader, he's walking, alone.
Dialogue
Beast: One day, One day.
